So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I think I won the penis lottery.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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