He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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