You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
