Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You pole danced in your parka.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
