i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
