You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
