All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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