if only i could text you this smell
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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