Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I need a beard to bite.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
