so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
