just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
