I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
