Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
