Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
