you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
