So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
