There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
