She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
