Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
