there's paper in my vomit.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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