Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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