I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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