I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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