You just made me feel so damn special
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
