Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
