Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
