Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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