My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
