I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
