I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
