i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
