I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
