im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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