I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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