What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
