her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
