if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
