You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
