When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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