she woke up with a sticky ear
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
