it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
