The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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