cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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