I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
