Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
