I'll bet she douches with gravy.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
