My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
