Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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