i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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