just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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