I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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