Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
