I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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