I got chris browned last night
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
